Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Why I should never drive with both parents in the car.

My parents care for me.  I realize this.  However, I absolutely hate it when they take me for a driving lesson together.  The moment we pull out of the driveway...





My dad is usually very blunt about what he wants, but never instructs me on where to go.  This may be a problem.

Me: Which Tim Hortons?
Dad: Eh, I don't care.

I start to head towards the one near Zellers, as they sell the least shitty coffee.  My mom, however, can be very redundant, and tends to drill things that I was going to do even harder into my head until my brain hemmorhages.  This is callled cerebral hemmorhaging, and I do not suggest trying to get it.  It's not pretty.

Mom: Sara, you should go to the Tim's near Zellers!
Me: I know, mom, I was going to go there.  They sell the least shitty coffee.
Mom: Watch your mouth.
Dad: Angela, stop talking to her, she's trying to drive.

I head to the Tim Hortons with no problems, and then they ask me to go to the DMV to show them the route in which I failed my test on.  This is where it all falls apart.  I begin driving there...

Me: Which way do I pull in?
Mom: Where do you think?
Me: I don't know, I haven't driven here much
Mom: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
Dad: Ang, stop talking.  We didn't being you here to talk.  If you want to talk you have to sit in THIS seat.
Me: Okay I'll just pull in here.  Glad that's settled.
Dad: What are you doing here?
Mom: She's showing us the route
Dad: No, just turn around. Go to where you failed.
Mom: No, she HAS to show us the route!

At this point I was agitated, and settled to go the route, but as I took the road, I forgot the entire path I was taken down.  My mind blanked.

Mom: Which way did you go?
Me:...I forgot.
Mom: YOU FORGOT?!  HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!

I went straight through the intersection, and was about to turn left.

Mom: What are you doing??
Me: Turning left.
Mom: YOU'RE NOT IN THE TURNOFF LANE

Someone passed me to the right, and shit started flying.

Dad: Oh look you would have failed there.
Mom: WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?!
Me: Going straight, and I'm going home.
Mom: YOU CAN'T GO HOME.
Me: Yes I am, I'm stressed.
Dad: Yeah let's go home we can't drive with your mom in the car.
Mom: NO STEVE LISTEN WE CAN'T GO HOME WE HAVE TO GO TO WHERE SHE FAILED...
Dad: Don't listen to her
Me: Yeah I'm going home.

They kept on yelling at me for slowing down at green lights, not keeping the speed limit, and sometimes weaving when they gave me confusing commands.  By the end of the ride, we looked like this.



We were all pissed right off.  They left me in the car, and proceeded to argue about how much of a failure I am, and how I'll never get my license, and how I'll never be ready for the real world, and how my dad should have taken me for more lessons while she was gone, and again about how I'm a failure.  They have a very bad view of me.

Personally, I prefer driving with my dad alone.  He's so chill, and I wouldn't mind it at all.  My mom alone is okay but she yells a lot at me and denies it, with the excuse "I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU HOW TO BE A BETTER DRIVER!!"  Yes, she does raise her voice when she's trying to get a point across.  My dad on the other hand says it.  I will never, under any circumstance, drive with them together.  Once they're with me in the confines of my small car, it becomes a very hostile battleground, and I have to drive to survive.

I fear for my life tomorrow, they're apparently taking me out AGAIN to try and "get me back on my bearings" and "drive it home" with me.  Honestly, all I wanted to do was drive home.  That was way too much stress for someone who only got 3 hours sleep.  Parents, this is a word of advice to you.  If you don't want your child to fail their driving tests, and possibly crash while you're in the car, try to trust their abilities as a driver and don't yell at them or hit them while they drive.  It's bad news when your son/daughter starts driving erratically due to backseat drivers, and terrible, terrible stress.  Driver distraction is the #7 reason leading to car accidents.  It's not at all pleasant, and it would be preferential if only one person was instructing.  If both parents try to interject, the teen will become confused, and will most likely drive erratically.

There's some driving awareness for you guys.  Wish me luck for the next week or so, I'm going to need all the good vibes I can get.

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